Current mood:

not happy

I'm not to happy with my life right now
Thats just my less dramatic way of saying I hate my life right now, but I hate that phrase. It sounds way too melodramatic.

But I'm definintely not pleased right now.

Kim called to tell me that Mr Sable scheduled the meeting for the Theatre Guild Borad thingie for next Thursday. While I'm in Cancun. And he wont change it because he wants to get started right away. What an asshole. And when I say that, I really mean that it's particularily rude of him to schedule something when I can't be there due to something that I've had planned for months. And I'm already missing the other thing that the board members are doing together! Which has been bothering me for weeks, because me dear sweet wonderful mother has been putting a lot of effort into the planning of that dispite the fact that neither of us is going to go. Really now, my mom put a lot of effort into making sure we go into that thing. If it wasnt for her, I'm not even sure the rest of the board could be goin. And for some reason this bothers me. She was even planning on being the one making phone calls to organize people to meet/get there. What the fuck?!?!?! Fine, I can understand you helping set it up, but theres no reason to plan the fucking meeting thingie. Well, to me, its like, thats just none of her business how they meet. She's already went above and beyond what she has to do for this situation.

But seirously now. It's not like I didnt feel alineated from this board in teh first like, thirty seconds of being on it. Seriously, becasue I was the last person elected mostly I suppose. And everyone and their mom was nominated for my position. Why? Okay, so I'm just being bitchy and feeling personally slighted for the way...some things... happened. Like seriously, was it necessary for all those people to be nominated? It just sorta made me feel like some people thought that they'd be a better representivite than me. And the fact that I was the last person elected. Fuck man. I'm kinda okay with it due to the fact that I got the only other position I wanted, but I still think its stupid. It makes me feel like its a freaking popularity contest. Which, I believe it is. Point in case (even tho I feel vile for being this much of a bitch) Caroline being VP. Does anyone in their right mind think she'd make a better vice president than me? Seriously now. I dont mean to toot my own horn or anything like that, but this past year I worked harder than anyone else in the guild. At least in the fact that I was always doing the shows, and oftentimes multiple shows at a time. But they chose her. Why? Becuase she got a lead? Because she was the only person who was on stage in every single show during the year? I dunno. Maybe I'm not giving the group enough credit, but I really do think that she was elected to that position moreso because shes "popular" amongst the group, and having been on stage so much, sometimes in big roles, she's seems kinda prominent. I guess I really shouldnt fault anyone for her being more prominent. But I dont think she did anything to earn it. She just got lucky. By that I mean, I dont think she worked any harder than anyone else. Like me. But I keep on feeling underappreciated because I worked my ass off on a lot of things this year for the guild, and how am I getting repaid? By the fucking board meeting being scheduled on a day that I can come because I'm out of the country!! Fuck.

It's just that, I've felt a lil alineated since I started this whole thing. Like when I had two days to go through a million letter application deelies. And what luck, most of em were messed up. So I had to fix em. And then I got Caroline mad at me because she heard from someone that I was "changing her points" well, shit. When you put it like that it sounds so ugly. I was fixing her mistakes. She took points for makeup on every single fucking show. You can't do that. If you did that, every actor would get points for doing makeup. But she got specialty makeup points on one show, that quite frankly, having been involved in that show, I dont believe actually happened. But it took me like ten minutes to explain to her that I wasnt doing anything wrong fixing her points. She was like "how could you do that without telling me" and I was all, "i was just fixing your mistakes, I was gonna talk to you about it before I turned it in or had the rest of the board approve it" but she was like, mad at me. Mad at me for doing my fucking job the way it was suppsoed to be done. I guess I just got that from my dad. Anything worth doing is worth doing right, if not well. And I got that girl mad at me. As well as a few others. And quite frankly, I felt a lil subservient when I was busting my ass to make sure every one on board saw the applications and approved them. Tho, realistically, the point of the whole board looking at em is to make sure no one took too many points, and I dont think anyone is more scrutinizing on those things than me.

But it really does suck, because I wanted to propose/clarify some things on the point system. Like how we should give techies more points or give actors less points for goin to tech day. And how we should have someone or a group of someones set the points that each person gets per show. Because we have the system that says you get a certain amount of points based on your role size, but thus far everyone has used their better judgement to decide what their role size is. So I think like the student director and the membership chair, and maybe someone else, should determine which roles in each show are leads, minor ect. And I'm just writing all this down right now so I'll remember to talk to Kim about it before I leave so she can take care of it since I wont be there.

And I'm trying to remember the other thing. Oh yea, we need to change our patch. I think I'll look up something like what I want our patch to be when I have time today. I've...I dunno. I just sorta bitched to my mom and now shes kinda upset beause theres nothing she can do and that always makes her upset. And she wants to do more, but she cant and I dont want her to. And yea.

And so I'm kinda not happy. Like with my life in general right now. Because things have been upsetting me. Or pissing me off. And while I've been trying to be mature about things, its fucking impossible for me to be mature about every fucking little annoying thing. It's impossible for anyone. I'm holding myself up to an unrealistic standard.

And I just need to get shit done right now. I'm done bitching. Since I've talked to my mom about it, I kinda feel like all it does is mess otehr things up.