Enter my mind....watch your step...its quite dirty

12:56am: Man
I just noticed how totally not charismatic Bobby Flay is. They really shouldn't have him selling things in commercials. It's not as bad when he has to do voiceovers in his show, but when all you have is him saying something scripted it's pretty pathetic.

3:35am: Inspirational Songs
So this is the second night in a row I just haven't wanted to sleep. It's not exactly that I'm not tired, it's just that I don't want to do anything, and that includes sleeping. I realize how utterly ridiculous that is, but I've been in a weird mood lately.

So I decided to go through my iTunes library and listen to music that ... ok, they way I put this sounds weird but I'm just gonna go with it. I wanted to listen to music that I respond to emotionally. So I played Spanish Harlem, which is just a beautiful song, then I played some other songs from the same album (a compilation called "Slow Dancing", a title I find slightly ironic since more than half of the songs are breakup songs, but for the most part the have the slow dancing sound) and started looking for songs that I would respond similarly to. Well, I ended up at the Forest Gump Soundtrack, which I really like but I couldn't think of any songs on it that I have the same response to.

I ended up playing "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head". You know what? I fucking love that song. And oddly enough I find it really inspirational. It's just the lyrics:

But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

I just find these lyrics really encouraging. It reminds me that no matter how frustrating things get (read: very, lately) that it'll pass. I also enjoy the sassiness of the song:

So I just did me some talking to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he got things done, sleeping on the job
Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling...

Frankly, I think this like adds a whimsy to the song that makes it more effective. The whole song really just makes me smile.

I also like listening to "That's Life." That's another song that embodies the transient nature of unhappiness and just makes me feel happy. Not that I listened to it today (yet) but this post is about inspirational songs and it's totally worth mentioning.

So I decided to Google inspirational songs and I found a lot of good lists. There was a lot of songs I'm familiar with but I don't actually have a copy of (read: I haven't downloaded them, but I intend to eventually). It really made me want to listen to a lot of songs out there, but it got me wondering:

What songs do you guys find inspirational, pleasant, uplifting, ect?

I want to know. Not just because I'm thinking of building some sort of playlist, but because I think the kinds of things we find uplifting could say something about us.

Side note-I'm starting to like the idea of analyzing music. Maybe if I ever make that website I've always thought about having I could start by analyzing some songs, perhaps start with happy ones. It could potentially be a bit on the dull side, but pleasant is nice too.

( Some songs that fit into this category: )

Tho most of these are inspirational in entirely different ways. Maybe I should just make a "songs that make me happy" playlist.

I still want other people to contribute, if anything comes to mind.

9:36pm: I feel like
I know too many people studying graphic design. Tho I don't think it would bother me in the slightest if one one them wasn't my boyfriend and I worry about his ability to get a job in an oversaturdated market. Being better than everyone helps, but the luck factor is difficult.

12:45am: Ugh
This quarter is kicking my ass. That's what I get for taking 5 classes, 4 of which I don't really like and the other one is just obscene amounts of work.

The later class is my problem for the evening. It's a writing class on science fiction movies. The problem is that we've had to turn shit in for that class every week. Either a rough draft or a final copy is due every week. This week a rough draft is due. I hate the rough draft weeks the most. At this point I think part of the problem is that I'm totally burnt out on school. I took a test today and I totally didn't care how I did on it. I just sorta stopped studying before I really knew how I was supposed to do the thing I was trying to learn (for my "math" class). Then I had a quiz in another one of my classes. I really don't like that class, and I"m kinda doing well in it anyway... so yea. I did not put much effort into studying. I do feel a little bit bad tho cause the people I was studying with might have put a little bit more effort into studying if I was distracting them. But then again, probably not.
( Bitching about said class and the movies we watch in it )

And we didn't see the end of the movie today. I'm hoping the end will exonerate most of the rest of the movie. I just want to see the protagonist admit that his conscience type character is hateful and ultimately hate gets you no where. That was the real problem with the movie. Most of the characters were just filled with hate for everyone else, and their hatred wasn't really condemned. Maybe the last ten minutes will redeem it.

Ok. I said what I needed to say about that and I feel better for the most part. I'm sure I'll get a little fired up again in class on Wednesday and might need to vent again.

Tho I'm still fretting over my paper that I haven't really started. I was in the same boat this time two weeks ago. Pretty much the same reason too, the prompt for the paper sucks. Also, the movie is difficult. Last week our paper was on Blade Runner, kinda a different weird film. This time it's on 2001: A Space Odyssey. That is one weird ass movie. I think I'm gonna talk about other movies we've watched in class to take up space, and so I don't have to talk about that bizarre thing more than I have to. Now, the film is broken up into 4 part, and the third part is really good, but the other 3 parts are just crazy and I don't like them. Likewise, I don't want to talk about them. But I guess I kinda have to.

And I can't exactly get it done last minute because I'm supposed to interview for a TA position tomorrow. I'd really like the position, but mostly because I think it'd look nice on a resume and I'd be paid. I'm sure it wont be much money, but getting a little extra cash for doing not a lot of work is always nice. So yea. I should actually get some sleep. But that paper needs to get done.

I'm just sooooo sick of this quarter that it's rather difficult.

11:42pm: Fact of the day:
The technical term for that orange stuff that gets left on your hands after eating cheetos is called "cheetle."

9:45pm: Today I went back to the doctor for the weird annoying flaky redness that I've had around my skin for like two months now.

Apparently I have a skin condition. But at least it has a cool name: seborrhea.

Which I find particularly amusing because of the line at 2:15 on this:


...acutally, only because of that. Otherwise it's kinda like having eczema, except possibly itchier. And the whole thing is rather annoying and frustrating.

Also, I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but lately I've been thinking I should just do odd jobs that provide me with food and shelter till I figure out what I want to do, and till the job market calms down and i have more options. The real problem is that I don't really know what I want to do. I'm not even sure what I'm passionate about. Hell, I'm not sure if I'm passionate about anything. Nor am I sure how much tht actually matters. But sufficive to say, I'm not sure what I should be doing with myself. More on this later... and by more on this I'm gonna take a page out of Anns book at ask people what they see me doing... but this wont be the offical entry where I ask that. I want to give people time to brainstorm! (... not that it will nessairly help, since it's probably moreso the type of question where you either know it or you don't)

anyway. I should go home. I guess were having cable installed tomorrow, so I need to tidy up my room. And I could use a shower. And I have to write a 3 page paper before 5 pm tomorrow that I should probably finish the bulk of tonight.

Blah. So sick of school.

On the bright side, next quarter should be my last, and I should only be taking Tuesday and thursday classes for it.

10:54pm: :)
Today I ditched class to go to Disneyland with my mom and her friend. I had a great time. The only damper was the fact that I had to leave early because I had a group presentation in one of my classes and I therefore couldn't miss it.

I also ended up driving back and forth in the morning because I spent the night where they were staying but I was scheduled to work. I put a note on the buliten board to ask if anyone would take my shift but no one responded. As i was driving to work (albeit, rather early) I got a call from my manager saying someone could cover me. So I got to go to Disneyland! And my mom paid for admission and parking. I decided to upgrade to the cheapest pass, since I miss my Dland pass so much, and the lady we went with said that I can go with them when she comes with her granddaughter. The only problem is that I'll probably want to add parking to my pass. But that pays for itself after 6 times... which shouldn't be a lot once Victor gets a pass again. I really missed having a pass. Tho I imagine that once I get my christmas money I'll wanna upgrade it.

But yea. All in all a rather good day. The only downside is that I have two tests tomorrow and I frankly dont seem to care about either of them. I also have a paper due which I do kinda care about, but I don't really wanna work on. And we're having a mini halloween party in that class. I think i'll go make brownies for that now so I dont have to worry as much about time tomorrow.

I'm pretty happy today.

11:46am: A quandry (but not really)
So like two weeks ago one of my roommates had a female with her in the morning.  She introduced said female as her friend, so I presumed that they were just buddies and she spent the night.  But before the introduction I wasn't sure what I was supposed to think.  I mean, is it jumping to conclusions if I assume shes a lesbian because she had a girl spend the night, or is it jumping to conclusions if I assume shes heterosexual to begin with?  Not that it really matters at all, but it did have me wonder about the nature of jumping to conclusions in this particular area.  I guess this just illistrates that assumptions are part of our basic human nature and stuff, and I find the whole thing mildly interesting.

Anyone happen to have any thoughts on this?

12:11am: Bleh
Trying to make my own pattern for my Halloween costume is harder than I'd like it to be. But I think part of my problem today is the fact that I dont really feel like cutting new pieces or sewing today.  I probably can't accomplish much till I do that. Tho I did manage to figure out how some of the pieces should fit thanks to the duct tape dressform Victor helped me put together. I worry that its not right somehow, but I think its definitely good enough for my purposes.

Speaking of Halloween, what do people want to do for that this year? Who wants to host the annual Halloween Party? Would people be willing to come out to Orange County if I have it here? It's time to start planning!

11:27pm: Long overdue update
I'm gonna start by complaining about my sleeping habits. I seem to have trouble going to bed before 1:30 these days. this is unfortunate since school has started and I have a 9am class 3 days a week. the other days I have 11 am class but it involves watching movies and it's hard to stay awake cause I'm not moving and not actively engaging my mind. The being in a dark classroom aspect probably doesn't help either come to think of it. The other night I was tired and decided to try to go to bed around 8. I woke up at 10 and couldn't get back to sleep till 3. Blah. I'm trying my best to improve this situation, but I think it's gonna be a few weeks. Till then, no more napping unless I feel nauseated or something (cause sometimes that happens when I feel really tired). I guess I'll work on other habits too, like not laying in bed so much during the day. Right now I'm sitting on the loveseat in room, so that's a good start.

I feel like that's kinda a good segue. But this turned out to be a long entry so I'm gonna put everything under cuts. ( Housing stuff )

( Sewing )

( School/Graduating )

( Musings about jobs (this one is LOONG, and rambly as ever) )

And I just wrote way too much. And I'm tired. Maybe I'll be able to go to bed earlier tomorrow now that I got this off my chest. Or maybe I'll whine a bit more.

6:18pm: Not bad, what do you think?
( Two-question Enneagram test )

11:01am: I'm kinda embarassed to admit this but...
Monday afternoon I did a 20 minute session (well, it took me 30 minutes) on EA Active. My thighs and ass still hurt from all the squats and shit they had me doing.

I'm gonna try to comfort myself by telling myself that if I had stretched better I wouldn't sill be in pain, but I think it has more to do with the lousy shape I'm in.

8:23pm: I love reading the patch notes for WoW
Cause now I know that there's an engineers only auctioneer in Dalaran and I never have to leave Northrend to go to the AH again.


...

Not that it's a big deal with the transporters plus the hearth stone, but it's still pretty cool.

7:21pm: Housing
So the people I am (was?) suppose to live with next school year are either crazy or stupid. If they're crazy I don't know what's gonna happen.

Allow me to explain.

A while ago I put an ad on facebook to try to find an apartment where I can have my own room. someone messaged me back saying that she wanted to find a place with me.. then she messaged me again saying that she had a place that she wanted me to take. I thought this was weird, but then I found out that she was looking someone to replace her on teh lease at the apaprtment with her frinds since he parents wanted to spend less money. Ok, not terribly bad there.

Then she kept on having me wait. She basically wanted to make sure that she had another place before she gave me her place. Then, when she found her new place, she waned me to sign the lease immedately, wanting to make sure I had the lease signed before she signed her new lease. Ok, not completely horrible but kind of annoying since I had to wait for her to be ready to give me the place then drop everything so I could sign everything by her timeline.

Then, after I signed the lease, I got a called from one of the roommates in the apartment and she told me that they were considering another person. I was confuse, beause I basically told her that I had signed the lease alrady, but I let it slide after I talked to the first girl and she explained to me that they just didn't realized that I was gonna be introduced to them in person soon. Whatever. I agreed to talk to the girl over the internet but she backed out at the last minute. I sent her a message but she never responded.

The next day I had to leave for me vacation with Victors family. When we landed in Puerto Rico I got a message on my voicemail from the girl who was my initial contact saying that she was sorry but they went with another girl. I immediately texted her back asking if the other girls understod teh fact that I had already signed the freaking lease!!!... well, she called me back and said that it was a misunderstanding and everything was fine. So I forgot about it and didn't worry.

And now they're saying that someone else signed the lease and I can't live there. And I sent them a message asking how someone else could have signed the lease when I had already signed the lease. She just messaged me back saying that I didn't sign it. I'm so confused. And kind of pissed. But mostly sad, because depression is kinda default emotion for be. I kind of wish I could be more angry.

I'm still pissed because that bitch didn't get back to me sooner. That was just really inconsiderate. Blah. I was feeling cranky earlier today and kinda had a bad feeling about the day. I thought I was just crazy.... hell, I still think I am crazy, but at least I can feel validated in my havign a bad feeling all day. This will probably only encourage me being crazy further. I guess its worth noting that I felt less cranky after taking a nap too...

So yea. That's what's going on right now. I don't know where I'm living next school year and I'm running kinda skinny on time. I'm sure I'll be fine, but I'm kinda upset that I ran all over the place and made my mom run all over the place to get all the forms filled out. Ok, so I only ran to the leasing office of the apartment but my mom had to go to the bank to get stupid forms notarized. Ok, I'm back to being kinda pissed. Tho I feel myself forgiving those rude insensitive bitches who screwed me over. I'm too nice damnit.

Oh yea.... definitely not living with these people.

8:29am: Ramblings
( Seriously rambly )

K. I'm tired of that chain of rambling. And tired in general. I really wanna take a nap but I'm stuck here for over two more hours and when I get home I'm supposed to clean my room. Maybe I can sneak in a quick nap before the cleaning. I did get up at 630 after going to bed.. I dont know when I went to bed. I'm sure it was after 1 tho.

11:02pm: I'm considering
Entering the Threadless cake contest. It sounds like something fun to do. They're having both a 2-D and 3-D winners. So far the one I want to do the most I think would be really cool as a 3-D cake... but I know nothing of how to make that kind of cake... however, it seems like a perfect opportunity to learn...

I'm really leaning towards this one... if I can learn how to make 3-D cakes particularly. And this one is also really neat.

Well, tomorrow I'll probably look up cake making stuff. The deadline for the contest is over a month and I don't have definite plans to speak of this summer, so it seems like it'd be something fun to do.

2:56am: One: Boo paper that's due tomorrow that I'm not very far along on.

Two: I hope my roommate doesn't actually come home tonight. My mom is snoring pretty loudly. She just arrived in town tonight btw, and she's staying at my apartment for the sake of convenience. It was nice to be able to talk to her for a bit, but I'm slightly concerned that the snoring will bother the roommate... but thats contingent on whether or not she actually comes home.

1:05am: Because I want to see if anyone will respond
The problem with the internet: We all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away. Then post this in your journal and find out what people don't know about you!

12:39am: Not happy
I did some pick up shooting today for my film project. It went ok, nothing too complicated, just a couple of minor enhancements really. Plus we didn't have a full cast so it was very selective.

And after we did the filming and I was about to do some sound recording with one of my actors the camera fell on the ground. I'd set it on the couch while it was still attached to this weird tripod and I guess the tripod caused it to fall over somehow. And now the camera dosen't work. The camera I borrowed from school doesn't work. Like, at all. I can't even get my tape out. So basically, I wasted several hours of my and 3 other people's lives tonight doing pick up shooting.

I feel a little bit like an ass. I'd feel more like an ass, but I know I was just barely careless. It's not like I was ridiculously careless, or it fell from a great height. It doesn't entirely make sense that it fell considering the circumstances. Was I careless? Only a little. I guess thats what I get for using the weird ass tripod instead of a real one... I don't know. I'm trying to not be too upset about it, but I'm terribly unhappy with myself and somewhat embarrassed. It's really annoying how such a little mistake can be such a big deal. But that's how car accidents work too, and fortunately this is no where as severe.

Blah. Trying to be philosophical about isn't helping much. On the bright side, my class starts late tomorrow cause all we're doing is reviewing. This is also the last week of school before finals. In a little more than two weeks I'll be done with this and have no major responsibilities for a few months. Thank god I'm taking the summer off.

10:23pm: Uhhh...
Your results:
You are Chekov

Chekov 65% Will Riker 60% Deanna Troi 60% Uhura 50% Beverly Crusher 50% James T. Kirk (Captain) 45% Mr. Scott 45% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 40% Jean-Luc Picard 40% Geordi LaForge 40% An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 40% Worf 30% Data 27% Spock 22% Mr. Sulu 15%

Brash, rash and hasty, but everyone loves you.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test

4:13pm: Completely legit reason to be cranky
So yesterday I was leaving to go to the play at ND since last night was the only night I could go. I stopped to get food because I hadn't eaten much all day. as I was pulling out of the drive through and turned teh corner I collided with another car. That word sound extreme. But the point is a car backing out hit me. I saw that with increasing confidence since (1) she was the one pulling out of the parking spot the fault is pretty much automitcally her's and (2) she even said that she saw me but thought that I was stopping for her. I didn't see her at all. To be fair, I wasnt exatly watching for another car to be pulling out of a space, but it's still way more her fault than mine.

And it wasn't even her car. She was borrowing her bf's car. Which really, sucks for her. The damage was pretty much teh same on both cars, the bumper needs to be undented and repainted. Actually, today when I was picking my car up from teh shop, i noticed another dent in my car that isn't my bumper, but it dosent' bug me that much. I don't really care about the body damage because I scratched the same side of my car in a completely unrelated incident, and I didn't care about how it looked then.

The real problem is teh fact that the accident put a hole in my tire somehow. I'm really not sure how exatly, but when we got out of our cars after the collison I heard a hissing noise that I thought was the air leaving my tire... and it was! When I got to the place where I take my car for work they pointed out that the hole was in the wrong part of the tire to fix, so I had to get a new tire. I started feeling better about the whole situation last night (before I realized I'd need a new tire)when I was talking to people, and I realized that it was damage I could live with, and there was nothing wrong with living with it... I actually called my dad and he said that it was ok to just not want to deal with it. Except for the tire thing...

And the whole experience was kinda intersting. Upsetting also of course since I wanted to go to the play and the fact that I had a flat tire (and that I couldnt drive too fast on the spare) pretty much killed that plan. But later I realized that I can make it to the matinee tomorrow, so that works out. But it was kinda funny, because we were both kinda just standing around awkwardly not really sure what to do and calling people to try to figure out what we're supposed to do exatly.

Over teh course of our idle chit chat I also found out that her parents have a bed and breakfast in Ashland, so we chatted about what a neat town it is. Small world.

But I woke up kidna cranky today (possibly because I woke up to a phone call) and it hasn't changed much since. I'm at work right now and I'd really be at home napping. At least this evening tehre's hanging out for Jareds bday stuff. I'm stuck at work till 8 so I'm gonna be late, but I still get to see a movie with everyone. So yea. I guess I'm looking forward to later. I'm just still kinda down in teh dumps right now.

7:43am: Well, on the bright side
this whole flu scare is reminding people that they need to stay home and rest whenever they get sick. Many people feel like they still have to go to work when they're sick and tough it out, but I've never thought this was exactly right. When you go to work sick you run the risk of getting other people sick too, and those people might live with other people, and before you know it a whole family is sick thanks to one stupid martyr at work. Ok, so that's a bit extreme, but I still think we have an obligation to stay home when we're sick so we don't spread it to other people. My sisters old manager used to go to work sick sometimes and then she'd get sick too, and I always thought this was wrong. A person doesn't want to use their sick days so they make other people sick... then those people have to use their sick days because it hit them harder than the original person.

And I'm mostly ranting about this cause I woke up feeling kinda shitty and I was planning on dragging myself to school anyway. However, I realized that this is exactly the kind of thing that spreads disease in teh first place. Also, its the kind of thing that keeps people sick longer. And I have a lot of shit to do over the next few weeks, primarily for my film class. Sadly, I know stress weakens the immune system, which is probably why I'm sick right now.

Oh, also I walk/bike to school and I don't really think I have it in my to do it today, which was really the deciding factor for me staying home. Yea, not the sense of moral obligation that I'm preaching here, I just know I would feel even more miserable if I went. However, I stand by what I say. I do think that if we're sick and potentially contagious we do have a moral obligation to stay home and not spread the germs.

Course, I also realize that frequently people are contagious before the symptoms start to show up, so there's some issues, but coughing and sneezing help spread things faster too.

Yea. Back to bed.

11:43am: Sometimes
I feel terribly awkward in class. Mostly its cause i think so much but frequenetly there are little things.

Today in my spanish class we had a new set of vocab words that deal with urbanization and stuff like that, and yesterday on our test there was actually a reading that talked about it. In both places it seemed like there was a rather black and white representation of urbanization being inherently evil. It didn't seem to present anything possibly good about it. It was just things like people wishing that they lived out on a farm somewhere. Of course, neither of these things did anything to address suburbs, which I think are more akin to city life than it was making it sound like. Of course, there's also suburban slums I suppose, but I remain bothered by the black and white view of the city is bad and the country is good... or whatever they're trying to provide as an alternative to the city.

And then there's recycling stuff. Ever since I saw that episode of Penn and Teller: Bullshit I've felt rather ambivalent towards recycling. Particularly the fact that recycled paper creates gross chemicals and landfills can and often use the gas created as a byproduct of the decomposition as energy to power things. And In class sometimes recycling comes up... fortunately it's just in passing. But what's it gonna be like when I have kids who are in elementary school learning about recycling? Is it right to let them think that it saves trees and leave out the fact that there are tree farms that provide the trees that make most of our paper? Well, I'm probably gonna let them remain blissful igonrant for a few years... but I'm sure I'll feel weird about it.

... not that it takes much to make me feel weird. Clearly.

Anyway, I should get lunch cause i have work. And homework to do at work. Boo homework. Work should be fine tho because I'm working at the info desk which means I have to deal with fewer people and stupid questions.

2:35pm: The weirdest shit I have ever seen in a movie


... or at least it was the weirdest till they did the musical number at the end and there were scary color tricks and floating head. Weird ass movie....

8:56pm: Today Livejournal is for bitching about things
I feel like I'm having a fight with my brain and losing. Or perhaps its not so much with my brain as it is with my feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.

Right now I'm particularly plagued by a feeling of anxiety for being behind in my project. And of course, the curse of this anxiety is that it's rather paralyzing and it makes it extremely difficult to do anything. I know I will get past it, but right now its rather hellish.

Even when I start to get into the flow of things, I accidentally start to thnk for a second then I'm back to feeling crappy. Must not think.